August 26, 2011
Delta Flight #5597
Lafayette, Louisiana to Atlanta, Georgia
Seat 5D
Each flight begins as an adventure. What unexpected bit of joy will be served up to me today? As I sat in the waiting area before we boarded, I scanned the crowd...trying to guess who would make my flight memorable...
Today, I took my seat and stored my bag. I reflected on my great trip to Louisiana and continued to marvel at the concept of a “drive-thru Daiquiri store”. Genius! Suddenly, I felt the ever-so-slight push on the back of my seat...and then again...and then again...and then the squeal... “Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! over and over again...
Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a WINNER! I have the "kicking child" behind me!
She did not want the crackers...she rejected the offer to look at the teeny tiny cars out the window...she only wanted to kick the stranger...to slam the tray...to scream, “No!” and “Mine!” intermittently. Her parents were merely spectators...
After the “DING!” that signals the blessed moment I can put my headphones on and drown out the screaming and endless "Stop That's!" from the parental units, I turned back and gave them “The Look”. I know you know what I mean...raised eyebrow...a lopsided half-smile. The warning look that asks you to throw your parenting skills into overdrive. There was a nod of understanding between us...and the kicking stopped. I won.
About ten minutes later, the weirdest thing happened...the man across the aisle in 4B looked at me. Just a subtle stare...and then he wrinkled his nose. I looked around...there were lots of wrinkled noses and stares in my general direction. And then...I smelled it...
Just when you think you have won...your supreme non-verbal communication skills have improved the quality of life for everyone on the flight...they pull out this unexpected weapon of mass destruction...something so vile it defies description. But it got worse, Mr. 6D and Mrs. 6C ignored the offending diaper...
Through the drink service...complimentary pretzels...and long after the flight attendant cruised the aisle collecting trash...they just ignored it...
Until the day I die, I will wonder what the kicking child ate...
If it went unchanged much longer, I believe the oxygen masks would have dropped from the panels overhead. This is the emergency the flight attendants warn us about...
All at once, I witnessed a true act of bravery. I saw him out of the corner of my eye. Slow steady steps. He appeared to be slightly green from either a bad attempt at self-tanner, but more logically from diaper nausea. This man from 2B walked back and demanded the diaper be changed. Lightening fast, Mrs. 6D jumped from her seat and raced down the aisle...carrying the the kicking child out in front of her...
And there was much rejoicing...
Until they sat back down...and my personal hell began again...one kick at a time...
Jenny, this is great. I love your writings. Please keep them up. You are very good at this.
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